|I was talking with a client, and she asked me 2 important questions about change.
The Backstory: Her daughter is in a job she doesn’t love, getting paid less than market value and people are leaving right and left due to the toxic work environment.
She wants to find a new job, yet she has not done a thing to get started.
Her mom has given her all kinds of advice and offered plenty of support but nothing is changing.
The 2 Important Questions
Her mom wanted to know:
- Why her daughter could not seem to get her job search going even though she really wants to change jobs?
- What else should she do to help her?
And I told her what she already knew…
Change is rarely easy. Changing jobs is among one of the hardest things to do. Job searches are full of lots of moving parts, they take time, and given most people do not do them very often, they can feel extremely daunting.
Even when we can know in our hearts that change is necessary, we still avoid it.
This is why her daughter was not making progress.
The bigger question is what she, the mom, can do to support her daughter.
Actually not much. Beyond being a supportive ear and helping when asked, change is something that begins on the inside. It is a choice that only the person wanting or needing to change can initiate.
I did have a suggestion. She could offer her daughter 5 simple yet extremely powerful words that have created a magical shift in me when I remember to use them. I suggested she offer this mantra to her daughter:
Change This OR Change Me
When we are up against the need to change and the inability to move forward, we are feeling either variations of fear – stress, anger, frustration, or variations of sadness – hopelessness, lethargy, passivity.
And that is the time to invoke these 5 words.
When you are feeling:
- Frustrated that your job search seems to be stalled
- Angry at the type of work you keep getting assigned
- Hopeless about ever increasing your salary or paying down your debt
These 5 words allow space for what needs to happen.
Change This OR Change Me
Change this circumstance.
Change this work culture.
Change this relationship with my team.
Change this unsuccessful job search.
Change me into someone who is at peace with this moment.
Change me into someone who is unafraid.
Change me into someone who embraces what I’ve been resisting.
Change me into someone who appreciates and is grateful in every moment.
Say these 5 words aloud. Say them as often as necessary.
Then wait and watch what happens. Things shift. Strange “coincidences” happen. You overhear someone at the grocery store mention they are looking to hire. Someone on LinkedIn reaches out to you even though you haven’t updated your profile in a year. Or, even more magical, you feel a shift on the inside. You might even feel a bit of excitement about moving forward in your job search.
That is the power of asking to change or be changed.
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