In my deep-water running class this morning, I overheard someone say, “Kids really should…”

It doesn’t matter much what she thought kids should do because we all have our moments of judging other people’s behavior and thinking they should be doing something differently.

But even more than judging others, I think we all have a quietly destructive habit of “shoulding” on ourselves.

And sometimes the “should” contains useful information. The problem is what often comes with it: You should be doing more. You should know better. You’re falling behind.

And who wants to take action from that place?

No one likes giving a speech in their birthday suit

There are many areas in our careers that are open game for the “shoulding”.

There is one I hear a lot and it is …

“I know I “should” raise my visibility at work, in my job search, and/or as part of my overall career strategy … and I get a sick to my stomach thinking about it so I do nothing. “

The truth is that visibility, people knowing who you are and what you do well, matters in your career.

  • Greater visibility brings career opportunities with less effort.
  • Greater visibility may increase your offer or salary because it does some of the negotiating for you.
  • Connections happen, resources arrive, and doors open when you are more visible.

Yet being more visible often feels like that dream where you are giving a speech wearing nothing but your birthday suit. 🫣

Everything begins by tuning in. 

I wanted to share something I did when I was building my coaching business.

As you can imagine, everyone had an opinion on how I should build my visibility. I felt overwhelmed … like I was never doing enough and that I would never figure this visibility thing out.

Then I remembered the Body Genius tool I learned in my coach certification and teach to my clients.

In its simplest form, you ask a question and tune into your body. If your body responds with a positive, expansive feeling then call it a yes. If you feel a contraction call that a no.

I have learned not to overthink this process. Ask the question, get the response and trust it. Act on it or take no action depending on what your Body Genius suggested.

You can practice learning to tune into your Body Genius with things you already know make you feel good or bad. Like foods, or movies, or people.

Ask, “Do I love Brussel sprouts?” For me that would be a hard NO. My body would go UGH.

Ask, “Do I love Karaoke?”. That is a hell YES from me. My body smiles.

The 2-step process for eliminating “shoulding” on yourself. 

Step 1: The Should’s – The first step is to gather all the SHOULDS. Those things you know yourself would be good to do for your visibility and what others are suggesting they think you should do. Here are some ideas:

  • Post an article on LinkedIn
  • Go to a conference
  • Volunteer to help organize an event
  • Update my LinkedIn Profile
  • Write a LinkedIn post about why I love my job
  • Reach out to past work colleagues to have coffee
  • Attend a hack-a-thon or builder workshop
  • Join groups that are doing things that interest you
  • Ask for a recommendation for LinkedIn
  • Do a LinkedIn Live
  • Share a photo on LinkedIn of me and others at an event
  • Sit on a panel at an event
  • Apply to speak at a conference
  • Start a new ERG at your company
  • Schedule a skip level meeting
  • Apply to a job that interests you
  • Write an article for a local paper
  • Go on a podcast
  • Work a booth for your alumni association or other group affiliation
  • Attend a local meetup
  • Ask to present to your team or leadership
  • Create a lunch-and-learn or webinar presentation
  • Volunteer for a high-profile project
  • Mentor someone and/or get a mentor internally
  • Comment thoughtfully on others LinkedIn Posts
  • Celebrate others’ successes
  • Connect others whenever you can
  • Take a course in person
  • Enter yourself for an industry award
  • Become a guest lecturer at a university
  • Serve on a board
  • Be a source for journalists
  • Toot your own horn. Advocate for yourself

Step 2: The Body Genius – Now go down the list and tune in to your Body Genius. Ask yourself, “Should I post an article on LinkedIn?”. Feel into your body. Is there an expansion? Is there a contraction?

PRO TIP: A contraction isn’t always a NO. Sometimes it’s fear. That’s why I don’t stop at the first physical reaction. If I feel contraction, I get curious. Is this actually a NO or is this a YES that scares me?

You will be surprised when some things feel like expansion that you never would have considered. That is what happened to me with LinkedIn Lives. I was not into doing lots of social videos but when I considered LinkedIn Lives my body smiled. I knew I could give LinkedIn Lives a try. It has become one of the things I look forward to most each week

“Shoulding” on yourself is just a sign that you want something different or new you just are not sure exactly what yet.

Take time to pay attention to the “should” and then test them against your Body Genius. If you are feeling an expansion take one action on that advice. Who knows, next year at this time, you might be joining me on a Career Alchemy webinar sharing your expertise … not because you should be more visible, but because your Body Genius said YES.