I’ve had a problem with my gut for several years. For the longest time I thought it was related to allergies because I would eat something and then my nose would start running, or my hands would itch, and then, eventually, my stomach would hurt.
I had done a blood test many years ago assuming these reactions were allergies. The results came back and said I was allergic to peanuts, dairy, wheat, and eggs. That made sense. I knew I had reactions when I ate these foods. I began removing those items from my diet.
But even as I removed these foods, I was still having symptoms so a couple of months ago I finally went to an allergist to see what else I might be allergic to so I could start to remove more food from my diet.
I had over 80 different scratch tests only to discover …
I am allergic to nothing! (Well, except a mild allergy to celery of all things.)
I could not believe it. I had been avoiding cheese. I had been eating gluten-free bread. I had not had an omelet or a deviled egg in years only to find out I was not allergic to any of these things!
I was so confused. I knew I was not making up my rashes, runny nose or itchy lips and I was definitely not making up the stomach cramping.
I called on my friends at WebMD and ChatGPT and came across a woman (Dr. Meg Mill https://megmill.com/) who was talking about histamine intolerance. When I saw the symptom list, I checked all the boxes. Maybe this was my answer. I am not sure but for the last few weeks I have been exploring what I would need to eat and not eat to see if I may have a histamine intolerance.
One of the big things on this diet is you eat no leftovers. You are meant to only eat certain fresh or fresh-frozen meats and fish.
If was going to be cooking more fresh food I knew I was going to need histamine-acceptable sauces to go with my fresh protein and rice.
I have been down the rabbit hole of putting together different approved ingredients and letting them simmer on the stove.
The more they simmer, the more the ingredients combine to create something I couldn’t have achieved by rushing the process.
It takes a little longer, but it is worth it!
The Superstar and the Simmer Strategy
This whole story is going somewhere I swear!
I used to be surprised when what was happening in my personal life sparked a solution for my coaching clients, but it happens too often now so I know it is not a coincidence. I think of these occurrences as Divine Downloads offering coaching assistance.
And here is a great Divine Solution.
This past week I was talking with a coaching client and she says, “My boss just sent me a message with “great news”. They are giving me a new team to manage. I already manage the most teams in the organization. How is this great news? How am I being rewarded here?”
This is not the first time I have heard a version of this Office Superstar story.
- You are the person everyone calls when something is on fire.
- You catch things others miss.
- You solve problems before they become disasters.
- You take pride in being dependable.
And somewhere along the way, being great at your job became the reason you kept getting more piled on your plate.
Because … sometimes it’s hard to be the superstar.
Being the superstar can become a trap if you let it.
The better you are, the more people assume you can take on.
Before long, your reward for excellence is another project, another team, another crisis, another late night not spent with your friends!
I suggested to my client what I am suggesting to you …
Use the Simmer Strategy. Keep your superstar power and your sanity.
Simmering isn’t about saying no.
It’s not about being difficult.
It’s not about lowering your standards.
It’s about putting together some ingredients and letting them simmer. You create enough space between a request and your response so that something new can emerge.
In this case, the ingredients were questions.
Learning the Simmer Strategy
The Simmer Strategy is just 2 steps: The Pause and The Ask.
Step 1: The Pause: The pause is simply taking a beat. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let your mind and your emotions settle.
Step 2: The Ask: The Ask is about asking powerful clarifying questions that push back on what is being asked of you without losing your Superstar Power.
Using the example above, when the boss was “blessing” my client with a new team, she first did Step 1. Instead of talking she took a beat.
She did not get defensive and say, “I already have the most teams.”
She did not say, “No” because that might backfire.
She took the time she needed and then moved to Step 2.
My client began to ask clarifying questions.
- “How many people are on this new team?”
- “What is the actual work this team is involved in?”
- “Do the support and test teams come with this new team?”
- “Does this bring additional customers into the mix?”
These questions created a subtle shift.
This shift resulted in a new outcome.
By pausing and asking thoughtful, clarifying questions, she helped her boss see the full picture.
And when people can see the full picture, better decisions become possible.
That’s the hidden power of the Simmer Strategy.
You don’t lose your Superstar Power. You use it differently.
Remember, when you’re the Office Superstar, your greatest career skill isn’t doing more just because you can.
It’s learning to pause and let requests simmer before you respond.
Because Superstars don’t immediately react.
Superstars simmer.