It is because being visible in our careers taps into both our vulnerability AND our power that it is one of the most important things we can do.

So, you might be surprised when I tell you what I did when I woke up this morning.

Today I was supposed to go downtown for 2 events. One was a meeting with 2 amazing women to talk about collaborating on a program to support leadership career paths for women in and around tech. The other was an event where a panel of really cool women were talking about career progression. This would be a room filled with women who might need my coaching support.

Pat on the back to me for scheduling 2 visibility events in 1 day! And then …

I canceled both.

You see, my daughter is coming into town tonight. We plan to go to dinner and play trivia at a local restaurant this evening.

I could have gone to the meeting with the 2 women but then would have had to cross my fingers that Chicago traffic at 5:15 would not make me late getting back. This would have stressed me out.

So, I cancelled. I let them know what was up and they were very gracious of course. We will schedule for another day.

Then I texted to them, “This is an act of self-care and me aligning my actions with what matters most … my family.”

While I was texting, I thought about a coach I hired when I launched my recruiting firm. I knew recruiting — not running a business — so I invested in coaching. I gained expertise in marketing, operations, leadership, building a team, and delivering excellent client results. All the practical and tactical ways to run a business. That work mattered. It helped my firm succeed.

But as I sent that text about self-care, I felt sad. I wished I had made more of my career decisions from that place — from what mattered most to me — from the very beginning.

What I Wish My Career Coach Had Asked Me

So, imagine we’re coaching together. Instead of jumping straight to tactics, I want you to slow down.

Let’s go inside before we take any outer action.

Read the first question below and stay with it. Journal. Walk with it while you do the dishes. Talk about it with a friend. Sit with it in silence. These are the questions I wish someone had asked me before we started the “how-to” work.

• What brings you joy — the kind that lights you up from the inside out?
• How do you want to feel each day as you walk through your career?
• What do you secretly (or not so secretly) desire to do in your career, even if it feels “crazy”?
• What hidden emotions — anger, grief, frustration, guilt — might be quietly steering your career choices?
• What breaks your heart so deeply that it calls you to do something about it?
• What ripple effect do you want your work to set in motion?

Visibly Aligned With Purpose

Take your time with these questions. They are not tasks to complete or boxes to check … they are invitations to pause, reflect, and notice what truly matters to you: your joy, your desires, your values, the mark you want to leave. When you let these guide your decisions, your visibility changes.

You’re no longer just seen everywhere. You are seen where it matters, in ways that align with your purpose.

I can’t go back in time, but today I know this: choosing self-care and aligning with what matters most to me in my life turns canceling a networking event into a powerful career and life move.