Isn’t work fun? I write a bit tongue-in-cheek 🤪 .
Don’t you just love working with different types of people who often remind us of our siblings, best friends, kids, parents, or former bosses … and not in a good way?
Our relationships at work offer friendship, companionship, and mentorship. And they can challenge us, confront us, and confuse us.
Relationships offer us a wealth of opportunities to grow our skills. Because of relationships we can become attentive listeners, confident leaders, and more compassionate people.
We are born to be in relationships with other people. We are meant to rely on each other and support each other. Yet, relationships can be one of our most difficult life challenges. We can judge others. Gaslight. Jump to conclusions. Overreact. Talk over each other. Rigidly defend our stand without consideration of the other person. And have all of these experiences happen to us in the reverse.
One of the areas of focus in the Career Alchemy Academy (get on the waitlist today. Doors opening soon!) is understanding the different types of energy we (and others) express and the corresponding emotions that go along with that energy as we go through our normal day and when faced with stressors.
Becoming more aware of our energetic patterns helps us to become better at remaining calm, thinking more clearly, and having access to tools that can positively affect our relationships.
One of my favorite relationship techniques is called Distancing.
Distancing techniques are defined as psychological strategies used to create emotional or mental space between a person and their immediate thoughts, emotions, or situations.
Once we create a bit of space, we have an opportunity to look at the person or situation from a new perspective. We are then better able to respond more thoughtfully and constructively which makes for strong relationships.
5 Types of Distancing Techniques You Can Use to Help Build Stronger Career Relationships
1. Third-person Viewing (self-distancing) – Let’s say you just had a difficult conversation with someone on your team. One of the ways to put some distance between you and the situation is to address yourself in the third person asking yourself for insight.
“Why is <<First Name>> upset?” instead of “Why am I upset?”
This helps you look at the situation from the outside. It gives you more clarity and emotional control. It’s like watching a movie about what is happening and getting curious about the scenes instead of emotionally caught up in it. “Why is <<First Name>> responding like this? How else might <<First Name>> respond? What else may be going on here that <<First Name>> is not seeing?”
2. Time Travel (Temporal Distancing) – When asked what I would have my superpower be I always say time travel. The idea of going back in time to meet my great-grandparents or see Queen with Freddie Mercury Live sounds amazing. Now there is another reason to want to time travel! In this case, going forward in time instead of backward.
Imagine hitting a fast-forward button on the current problem with a co-worker. How will you feel about it in a week? A month? A year? Is it really worth the angst it is causing you today? By looking at things with a long view you remove the intensity of the current moment and realize that this too shall pass.
3. Reframe It (Cognitive Reframing) – This is a chance to flip the script. Let’s say a project’s deadline has moved up. When your team members start to grumble, ask them to “flip the script”.
When you flip the script you challenge yourself, your team and your collective brain to come up with at least 2 reasons why this change is a good thing. Instead of focusing on all the ways this is the horrible and blaming the boss, an outside vendor, or another team, you have a chance to shift the mindset and the energy of the team. You create an opportunity for the team to come together and collaborate successfully even with a more aggressive deadline.
4. Zoom Out (Perspective Shifting) – Some call this the Hot Air Balloon, the Eagle View, or the Google Earth Mindset.
We can all get in the weeds of a situation especially when things are not going as planned or we are judging others as not pulling their weight. If you lean into the Zoom Out distancing technique you can imagine, or ask a team member if they are willing to imagine, the current situation differently.
Hop into the hot air balloon and look at the current problem from above. See the bigger picture. Get curious. What might you be missing? What are some connections you can now make? What are some solutions you could pursue that you had not considered? You can see ways to communicate differently and be in a different relationship with, the situation now that you are above it not in it.
5. Thought Bubble (Emotional Distancing) – This is a fun way to visualize conversations or something someone said differently. This is a chance to Pop the Thought Bubble.
Let’s say you just walked out of your boss’s office and something they said did not sit right. You can spend the day and night and weekend fixating on what they said OR you can put the conversation into a thought bubble and pop it. Watch it float away. This reminds us that we get to decide how we want to respond to someone’s words. We can view their words in thought bubbles and watch them disappear. You do not have to hold on to what other people say. You do not have to make meaning out of it, try to figure it out, or attach a story to it. You can just let it go.
Practicing distancing in work relationships does not mean you are separating yourself from someone. Instead, it means you are creating a space where a more trusting relationship can grow.
